tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6202467949945153658.post6065484141951801782..comments2023-06-10T08:43:07.245-07:00Comments on One Dad's Opinion: Multiple ChoiceUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6202467949945153658.post-19867260651334134152007-07-20T20:49:00.000-07:002007-07-20T20:49:00.000-07:00Yes, Violet, you comment is very helpful - and ver...Yes, Violet, you comment is very helpful - and very appropriate, in that Jason is an absolute whiz kid at internet surfing and video games. He successfully self-taught basic web skills just after turning 4, and has a definite knack for games and puzzles. Thanks!Jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10831843534657098189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6202467949945153658.post-29673762914378811542007-07-20T20:25:00.000-07:002007-07-20T20:25:00.000-07:00I think what you said about the pressure to push y...I think what you said about the pressure to push your Autistic son to be social. It's a very fine line.<BR/><BR/>What helped me, as well as alot of people on the spectrum, is video games. It's something you can acheive at without the confusion of social understanding. <BR/><BR/>The media discusses video games negatively most of the time. However, in my experience Nintendo has always been a company you can trust when it comes to family friendly games. They rarely put out games that are M, and if they do they really let you know that it's M.<BR/><BR/>A computer also is a great outlet for people on the spectrum. I mean if you think about it, Bill Gates, who is on the spectrum himself invented Windows. In fact there is a virtual model train program here:<BR/><BR/>http://www.trygames.com/game/aff=trygames/vid=e3fed88b9320c4ddcd5ac57575e46347<BR/><BR/>You can download it for free trial, and pay for it if you want to keep it.<BR/><BR/>So in my opinon if finding your son something he can enjoy I'd reccomend the Nintendo DS Lite. There is a difference, the original Nintendo DS had a too small stylus with it, which they made larger for the updated DS light.<BR/><BR/>Due to parents showing concern that their gamer child might not be getting enough social exposure. There are more ways to enjoy games socially. Such as certain games using Wi-Fi technology to network, to play against other gamers.<BR/><BR/>I hope this has helped.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6202467949945153658.post-30182449904620446302007-07-18T23:29:00.000-07:002007-07-18T23:29:00.000-07:00Great post, Steve. You spelled this issue really w...Great post, Steve. You spelled this issue really well. I'm going to have to write some more about this. Thanks for stirring it up in my head.VABhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06652301858477760996noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6202467949945153658.post-81672553958759204912007-07-18T20:36:00.000-07:002007-07-18T20:36:00.000-07:00Great question Niksmom - We are fortunate in that ...Great question Niksmom - <BR/>We are fortunate in that we do tend to agree on most of these issues. To say that we spend a lot of time discussing it would be untrue - life is so unbelievably busy right now that we rarely have time to say "hello". We just seem to both take the approach that erring on the side of caution is the safest approach. <BR/>Part of why it works also is that in some cases if a mild disagreement is taking place, I fold. The truth is that I am away at work 12 hours per day, and therefore my wife is more in tune with Jason's patterns of behavior and various issues than I am. If I assumed that I knew better on something like this, I would be wrong. So she (unintentionally) takes the leadership role due to my not attempting to fill it.Jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10831843534657098189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6202467949945153658.post-17051705619405422962007-07-18T18:33:00.000-07:002007-07-18T18:33:00.000-07:00Steve, I am curious (and forgive me for the intrus...Steve, I am curious (and forgive me for the intrusive nature of the question), do you and your wife generally agree to the same approach in those sorts of situations. Meaning, does one of you tend to "toe the line" of expectations vs. the other making greater allowances due to autism/age/developmental stage? I am wondering as this seems to happen with myself and Niksdad. How do you strike a balance so that you are parenting as a "team" or united to a greater degree?Niksmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14715465327343655483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6202467949945153658.post-49753207886657414882007-07-18T17:26:00.000-07:002007-07-18T17:26:00.000-07:00I couldn't agree more, Larry.I couldn't agree more, Larry.Jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10831843534657098189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6202467949945153658.post-41032507834706424932007-07-18T16:37:00.000-07:002007-07-18T16:37:00.000-07:00Better Harold the Helicopter in the Gaelic provinc...Better Harold the Helicopter in the Gaelic province of Sodor than Harold the obstructive (yes that is what Doherty means in the Irish Language)Larry Arnold PhD FRSAhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05074432718592268750noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6202467949945153658.post-90861071523958117002007-07-18T07:19:00.000-07:002007-07-18T07:19:00.000-07:00Bonnie- I appreciate the words of advice. I woul...Bonnie- <BR/>I appreciate the words of advice. I would like to point out that I was just postulating some hypotheticals in selecting two situations - some situations that may (or may not) be commonly found when dealing with autistic kids. All the same, your words are well-taken and it is nice to get the perspective of someone who has "been there".<BR/>Your last sentence gets to the heart of what I am talking about, in which you recommend just not taking him if he is not handling it well. You also recommend sensory strategies. This is a perfect illustration of the number of choices. I want to always make the right choice, though I understand the likelihood of that is pretty slim.<BR/><BR/>R.B. - It sounds like you have certainly established your own approach - and I'm glad its working for you and your son.Jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10831843534657098189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6202467949945153658.post-37859840185179446072007-07-18T06:56:00.000-07:002007-07-18T06:56:00.000-07:00At what point does our responsibility as a parent ...<I>At what point does our responsibility as a parent become overshadowed by our child's ability to behave a certain way? Is this not perhaps one of the most enduring dilemmas any parent of a special needs child will face?</I><BR/><BR/>It is a dilemma for parents in general. Regardless of whether or not a child is autistic, we may not know why he is behaving a certain way. Kids often do things that we don't fully understand, just because they are kids.<BR/><BR/>I'd advise against overanalyzing a child's motives. Spinning in the grocery store is a bad idea because the child could bump into other people, bump into a shelf and spill food all over the floor, or get dizzy and fall down on the hard floor. Therefore, the child needs to be taught not to spin in the grocery store. Period.<BR/><BR/>Yes, it's a good idea to try to determine if he needs sensory regulation while in the grocery store, and if he does, to find a reasonable way to satisfy that need (bringing a small toy into the store, for instance, or making your shopping trips shorter so that he is better able to deal with them). But that issue is separate from the practical question of whether or not he should be allowed to spin in the grocery store.<BR/><BR/>BTW, when I was that age, I did a lot of spinning and running around in grocery stores because the bright lights and busy aisles were so overwhelming. Some kids just can't deal very well with that environment until they are older. If your son always seems hyper and frantic when he is in a store, it might be a good idea to wait a few years before taking him on your shopping trips regularly.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6202467949945153658.post-28064346257009983192007-07-18T05:35:00.000-07:002007-07-18T05:35:00.000-07:00>>Succumb to the peer pressure of having our son "...>>Succumb to the peer pressure of having our son "successfully" play with the other kids?<<<BR/><BR/>That is it exactly. <BR/><BR/>I made my own life hell by trying to turn Ben into something he was not. I tried too hard, and then blamed him (by being angry) when he wasn't what he was supposed to be. The way we deal with our kids is sometimes like a mental illness...we keep doing the same things, and getting the same results, because we try to treat them as though they aren't different from their peers. THEY ARE, and nothing we do is going to change that. <BR/><BR/>I never lost that anger, that frustration, until a 5th grade teacher showed ME how to love Ben exactly as he is. To see his strengths, to see his sense of humor. <BR/><BR/>I'm probably going to tick off some auties, but there is one thing I figured out about Ben. He has a profound sense of fairness. If you mistreat him, he will find a way to mistreat you. "I win", he will say. The score has to be evened, he can't help himself. And there is nothing wrong with that, it's just the way it is.<BR/><BR/>Another thing about him is he knows when he is doing wrong (going against my wishes, GOD FORBID, as I am as stubborn as a mule!!!) To put the ball in my court, I take away one of his privaledges (sp?). <BR/><BR/>Privaledges are something he likes to do, and gets upset if it is taken away. Actually, all I really have to do is say, "If you do this, you will NOT watch t.v. tonight." or "If I have to do the dishes, I'm going to charge you the same amount we pay you. No skin off my rear!" For Ben, money, and especially t.v. privaledges are something he earns by cooperation. Our kids can't be intimidated as NT kids...it HAS to be THEIR CHOICE to obey. I can see that little head clicking up a cost/benefit analysis.......<BR/><BR/>Get in touch with your redneck self. It makes me feel like a b*tch sometimes, but Ben seems to respect it and not take it personally. That's what works for me, but I have no idea if it will work for you.<BR/><BR/>Our kids have such a determined sense of self. I find myself butting heads with Ben all the time, but it's really not so bad. He has made me strong.Usethebrains Godgiveyouhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05026223483117357541noreply@blogger.com